what to do if someone you love threatens suicide

Two people in hoodies sit on the beach with their back to us, facing the ocean. Each person's hood is up.

Many people desperately want to know what to say – and what not to say – to someone who is thinking of suicide. The article x Things Not to Say to a Suicidal Person is SpeakingOfSuicide.com'due south almost popular post. Almost a half-million people accept viewed it in the terminal 2½ years. Several hundred have left comments.

Sometimes people complain to me that the post describes what not to say, but it doesn't say enough about what to say. They're correct. And then in this post, I provide 10 things to say to a suicidal person.

Showtime, Some Caveats

Earlier starting, I want to make some things clear: I came up with this listing based on my conversations with suicidal individuals in my work as a clinical social worker, my readings of both clinical literature and accounts past individuals who experienced suicidal crises, and my own by experiences with suicidal thoughts. Nobody has actually researched systematically the most effective things for friends or family unit to say to a suicidal person, so opinion and experience are the best nosotros've got for now. Results volition vary according to different people'southward needs and personalities.

I also want to make clear that this list of things to say is not intended to be a script. Instead, I illustrate ways that you can help a suicidal person continue to open upward, rather than shutting the person down with a annotate that minimizes, invalidates, or even denigrates the person'due south experience.

Just a pretty picture of an orange tiled roof And I desire to add that what to say often isn't most as important as how to listen. Equally I explicate in my post "How Would You Mind to a Person on the Roof?", someone who is thinking of suicide needs to feel understood. Let the person tell their story. Refrain from immediately trying to set the state of affairs or make the person feel improve. These efforts, nevertheless well intended, can halt the conversation.

So, with all that said, hither are 10 things yous can say to someone who tells y'all that they are considering suicide.

one. "I'm so glad y'all told me that you lot're thinking of suicide."

When someone discloses suicidal thoughts, some parents, partners, friends and others react with anger ("Don't be stupid!"), pain ("How could you call back of pain me like that?"), or disbelief ("Y'all can't exist serious.") Some "freak out." A suicidal person might then feel a need to condolement the hurt person, provide a defense to the aroused person, or retreat internally from the disbelieving person. The person might regret ever having shared in the get-go identify that they were thinking of suicide.

By saying "I'one thousand glad y'all told me" – or something similar – you convey that y'all welcome and encourage disclosure of suicidal thoughts, and that you can handle it.

2. "I'one thousand sad you're pain like this."

This simple expression of empathy can go a long way toward validating the person's hurting and soothing a sense of aloneness. There's no "Oh it'due south not so bad," no "Y'all don't really hateful that," no "Just y'all have so much going for you lot," no other statement denying or minimizing the person's pain.

3. "What's going on that makes you want to dice?"

Two young men sit together, both looking worried or stressed, but not looking at each other or saying anything This invitation to the suicidal person to tell their story can provide validation, engender a sense of connection, and show that you actually desire to understand. Ask the person to tell their story. And and so, mind. Really listen. To deepen your understanding, follow up with more invitations to share, like "Tell me more." Show empathy and agreement, also: "That sounds awful" or "I can run across why that'due south painful."

4. "When exercise yous recall you'll act on your suicidal thoughts?"

Even if you're non a mental health professional, you all the same can enquire some basic questions to help sympathise the person'south risk for suicide. Asking about timing volition make the difference between whether you demand to call someone immediately for assist (for example, if the person says, "I have a gun in my backpack and I'm going to shoot myself during lunch") or whether you can continue to have leisurely conversation with the person.

v. "What ways practice you remember of killing yourself?"

This is some other risk-assessment question. The answer can assist reveal the gravity of the situation. A person who has put a lot of time and idea into suicide methods might be in more danger than someone with a vague wish to be dead, for example.

Understanding the suicide methods that the person has considered also volition assistance yous in your efforts to continue the person safe. For case, if yous're a parent and your teenage child discloses suicidal thoughts, knowing that your teenager is because overdosing on a painkiller alerts you to the need to lock up or throw away all potentially dangerous medications. (See this information from the Center for Youth for means to brand your dwelling safer.)

six. "Practise y'all have access to a gun?"

Even if you think the person doesn't own a gun or can't get a agree of i, this data is always of import. If the reply is yes, ask the person to consider giving the gun (or a central piece of the gun) to someone, locking the gun up and giving someone the key, or doing something else to make the home gun-free until the danger of suicide goes down. For more information about firearm safety related to suicide run a risk, too see this gun prophylactic fact canvass.

7. "Assist is bachelor."

By telling the person nigh help that's available, you tin assist them to not feel so solitary, helpless, or hopeless. If you are in the U.Due south., you tin give them the number to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800.273.8255) or the Crisis Text Line (741-741). Yous too can bear witness them the SpeakingOfSuicide.com Resources page, which lists other resources in the U.S. and worldwide to receive help by phone, email, text, or online chat. If the person who reveals suicidal thoughts to you is your kid, take them to a mental wellness professional person or an emergency room for an evaluation.

eight. "What can I do to assist?"

Definitely tell the person about resources for help, but also make articulate that y'all are bachelor, besides, if you lot're able to do and so. That said, there'south only so much you can do, so if y'all are feeling solely responsible for keeping the person alive, it's best to involve others, too.

ix. "I intendance almost you lot, and I would be and so sad if you lot died by suicide."

Be careful hither. In my earlier mail service, one of the 10 things not to say is, "Don't y'all know I would be devastated if yous killed yourself? How could you recollect of hurting me similar that?" As I note in that mail, "Your loved one already feels atrocious. Heaping guilt on top of that is not going to help them feel soothed, understood, or welcome to tell yous more."

At the same fourth dimension, a simple statement of how much you care most or love the person can help nurture a sense of connectedness, if your statement isn't an effort to end the person from talking farther near suicide.

ten. "I hope y'all'll keep talking to me about your thoughts of suicide."

Just as you want the person to feel welcome for having shared their suicidal thoughts to you, information technology's skillful to make clear that y'all would welcome further disclosures, equally well. Ofttimes, someone who has suicidal thoughts senses from others an expectation to "get over it already." By inviting the person to come to you lot again about their suicidal thoughts, you can aid forestall isolation and secrecy.

What Are Your Ideas virtually What to Say to a Suicidal Person?

In that location are many other helpful responses besides those listed here. If you have thoughts of suicide, what do you lot wish someone would say to you if you lot told them? If y'all take always helped a suicidal friend or family unit fellow member, what responses from you seemed to foster sharing, connexion, and safe? Please experience gratis to exit a comment below.

Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, is the writer of "Helping the Suicidal Person: Tips and Techniques for Professionals," a psychotherapist and consultant, and an associate professor at the University of Denver Graduate School of Social Work.

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Source: https://www.speakingofsuicide.com/2017/10/03/10-things-to-say/